History: We Were Only Allowed to Lead RC Anti-Racism if …

Stories about RC in the olden days can be informative to RCers less years around and also do justice to past work that we stand on today.

There was a time that almost all RCers were White (Caucasian). Then we were advised to all work on our earliest memories connected to racism. And no one was allowed to lead an event (evening, support group, workshop) on discharging racism unless the majority of one’s friends was non-Caucasian. That was a frustrating but great idea. Those were the days!

So, in order to make progress here, we had to make non-White friends, get out of our White bubble (isolation) and that would give us plenty of stuff to discharge on more.

These were the stages I went through.

A. What Racism, What Non-Whites?

I was hardly aware of racism. And I assumed that “being against it” sufficed. And non-Whites did not seem around. Until I started discharging. Then I suddenly remember a teacher who was not White. And then another one. And how strange grownups reacted to them.

I decided to be in a topic group against racism at every workshop and to counsel on it for an hour every week, saying: it’s not a lot but it’s still something.

B. Guilt, Guilt, Guilt

It was so hard to think at all when guilt was everywhere in your head.

The best way was to discharge on early memories and to set a goal at the end of the session for one action against racism. Preferably a small attainable goal. If you didn’t succeed in your goal, you did not get punished or were not frowned-up. But if you did succeed in any way (for instance, you remembered your goal), you had something good to use for discharge in the next session.

Besides working on early memories, celebrating (Hurray, hurray!) fresh successes were another successful way to discharge. And fresh failure was also easy to discharge on.

C. Becoming More Experienced

Slowly, it dawned on us that we didn’t need to hide our racism as non-Whites could smell it a mile away. We started interrupting racist remarks (another success to report on in our sessions). We did not attack Whites making racist remarks or “jokes” but rather tried to win them over to join anti-racism.

D. Leading, Finally

It was a great moment when I concluded that I was spending most of my time with friends with non-Whites. I could start leading groups.

I was already doing many sessions with other Caucasians about racism. And with a leader who had a non-White partner. (That surely helps being motivated to work on this stuff.)

E. Racism Hurts the Oppressor Too

It became clear to me that while racism hurts, maims and kills non-Whites, in terms of distress recordings, White children got a really bad deal too. That we, from a very young age, feel deeply ashamed of the racism from White grownups who raise us (including the uneasiness of those who preached against racism). That’s a very lonely life!

Whites, first of all, do a favor to themselves being serious about being an ally to non-Whites, to get rid of their racism and deep loneliness. And to reconnect to how good we are for not wanting anything to do with racism.

F. Mixed Blessings

I noticed something special in my regular co-counselors who had a mixed ethnic background: one non-White and one White parent. They had “regular” internalized White racism combined with very strong feelings against non-Whites including themselves. The put-downs from their White parent had hit harder than from strangers. I checked with other mixed-background counselors. Same story.

G. Are Whites Oppressed?

Then I led a Regional RC workshop for Whites exploring if Whites are oppressed. (This was 10 years before Harvey asked the question. Can you be bragging if you just state what happened and you worked hard for it?)

We tried a direction like “I promise to be completely close to my White family” and me saying to my client “I will never distance myself from you” – something like that. Tons of discharge.

Racism doesn’t only isolate Whites from non-Whites, it isolates Whites from each other and themselves!

My Chinese friend liked my hope that Whites only needed to reconnect to each other and then would automatically stop being racist. It was a nice over-simplified dream.

I would say now, White young people certainly are oppressed, not as Whites but certainly as White young people (See HERE).

H. It Passes on

It became so important in my life that I would not marry a “racist.” And I didn’t. That also helped my children to have close friends (and partners) of every ethnicity.