Decide to Become Active, Not Just Reactive

It’s a nice idea that, once we re-evaluated and cleaned up enough old distress, we will have better memories, have a more flexible brain and will look more freshly at the future – and therefore we will be more active in bringing about a better world for all. But the latter point is doubtful. Maybe eventually, we’ll start help improving the world for all, but if we wait for this spontaneous change, in most people it could take very long. Better is to take decisions “before we feel ready.”

Being Reactive

Reacting is a lower life form. Even viruses and bacteria react. Even lifeless objects, like billiard balls, react to changes that affect them.

This is not to say that reacting is unimportant. You are crossing the street and a car is approaching – you better make sure you stay safe. You have an important test – you better learn. Don’t ignore reality.

I was having a bite at a quick-and-dirty. (It was actually not dirty.) Someone came over and asked  me: Would you buy me a small meat meal? I said: sure (although I’m a vegetarian). Later he asked: Could I also have a drink? I said: Anything you want (although I never drink soda myself; he had a coke). I just reacted – it was easy.

The biggest disasters happen because people fail to react. Wars can only happen when m ost people look away. The Holocaust is also caused by millions of silent bystanders (and governments and media that didn’t report what was going on). The serial abuser was often believed that it was a one-off thing and so could become serial.

We know from our sessions how much unnecessary distress and oppression was in the world and still is. And it seems profitable to all people to stop this pandemic of irrationality. We surely don’t want to wait until all people got enough sessions to stop the misery. And after a couple of sessions, we can also know that we are the best persons available to help clean up the mess.

Be Active Too

But good as reacting is, acting is better. And someone who is active will certainly be reactive – and not let indifference, inaction and apathy allow oppression to take place unchallenged.

Waiting until we’re ready is going to be a slow process. Deciding is faster. Let’s do ourselves a favor and take a few sessions on “I’ve decided to become active.”

And I don’t just mean that we should all go save the planet – though I wouldn’t object if everyone did so. It could be too: I’ve had enough eating junk food and snacking – I’m going to have proper food only. Or will start exercising. (See Harvey’s Commitment for “World changers.”)

Let’s not just sit around waiting for when the news or the spirit grabs us. We don’t need anything from outside of us anymore and no one needs to tell us, to go do something.

In the times that an atomic world war, nuclear holocaust, was looming – may those times never return – one slogan was: Better active today than radioactive tomorrow. It’s not always easy to become active. We sometimes seem to need a lot of motivation.

But what also may help is an awareness that we simply can be active, that we’re invited to become activists, that life is better fighting for an ideal than just riding out the ride, that we are most ourselves when we do.

To choose change. To do a few sessions to decide to become active in wide world change. To stop just reacting to the news but rather join the troops of idealists forever, always on the lookout where to chip in.

Not just to react when our response is needed in emergencies. We can make a difference before the shit hits the fan.

Even radioactive substance shows spontaneity (but not free will). We have the ability to initiate. To spontaneously say: I have enough of this, I’ve seen enough, I have a thought.

Participants in groups often just sit around and wait, react to what is offered. TV culture. But when called into leadership, we suddenly emerge as initiators, begin to think about what we could do and say.

(Leaders are often not more talented, wiser or smarter. Rather, they got the idea or the job to take initiative. When we take the job, we also get ideas. As soon as we try to think about something, we’ll have thoughts.)

Humans can brainstorm, jump linear thinking. We have an ability to foresee the time after now and imagine improvement – and work for it.

Not because we should. Not to avoid punishment or condemnation. Not because otherwise we won’t be a good person or it will be all our fault.

Rather, we may become activists for a better world for all because that is the best expression of who we are. Being an activist is the best life.

If You Hate Reading, Read This

Read in a session. Take a rational text like RC or math or physics. Emotional or distress texts are often harder to read. Take your time discharging. It will make that you become good at reading. And fond of it.

If you have enough free attention to listen, you can read. Try to realize what you read.

And it can become fun and a skill you’re good at, by experience and discharge.

You don’t need the distress that makes it hard to read. Chuck it!

Through reading, you will learn so much, so fast!

Begin by reading slowly but precisely. Don’t worry about the speed. That will come with practice. (But if you begin with fast and imprecise reading, you will never really read what it says.)

In the beginning, reading one copy of Present Time took me three months, every three months. I was a slooow reader. But discharge helps! Now, I read it cover to cover in a (busy) week. I still don’t read as fast as insatiable bookworms. But I read. Faster than most people.

I just heard someone say: People don’t read anymore. I can tell you: “people” never read. Harvey would spend morning class time at workshops teaching the newest RC Theory from the latest Present Times. No one complained, “I read that already.” I was the only one on hundreds of counselors who was up-to-date. It helps to prioritize doing sessions on reading.

Outside of sessions, begin reading stuff that you find super-interesting. Stories, novels, comics, about your best hobby, whatever it is. And RC stuff. Texts that fascinate you, that you can’t put down (so to speak). Look for the subject(s) that you like, from writers that you like. Or texts that are simple, easy. Don’t feel too embarrassed to read children’s books. You learn better when it’s fun. (I raised a few voracious readers. They started with simple books they liked – Lord of the R., Harry P.)

There is no law that says that you must read a text from the beginning to the end. Skip difficult stuff (words, sentences, paragraphs, chapters, books). But don’t skip discharging. If it’s a text with pictures or large quotes, look at them first. With a long text, you can first browse the title, the first few words, the ending (whodunit?), maybe a few words in the middle. Look for introductions, names of chapters or captions.

(I’ve read articles and even books backward. First I looked if I liked the ending. I did. Then I read what came just before that. That was OK too. Then ahead of that. The whole thing backward. Why drag yourself through a text if that way it’s fun for you?!)

Maybe you better like reading texts that you know already. Like transcripts of lectures or (news) reports that you have listened to. Or first, have someone read you the text before you try reading it.

Does reading remind you of school? Discharge! Does it remind you that you were called or felt stupid? Discharge! Does it “make” you feel bored? Discharge! Does it “make” you feel forced? Discharge! Don’t just walk away from reading. Discharge and then read some more.

Have a friend do the same program as you and read the same text and then talk about it after you’re finished reading. If you own the copy, make notes in the text, illustrate it, cross out words you dislike – it’s your party!

In the end, you’ll read for relaxation, for pleasure. You’ll stop watching TV. In your free time, you’ll read and do activism. And never look back.

Look at what a long text you’ve read now! Over 600 words!

Don’t just learn reading. Teach others. It’s the best.

RC Teachers

We could call it negligent not to read new Theory or to fail rereading old Theory. But instead of calling a teacher who has a hard time doing so all kinds of names, it will be better to ask them: What takes higher priority than reading Theory? We must assume that the first thought that comes up reveals what distress the teacher rather discharges than reading Theory. That must be pity urgent stuff. Giving a hand with discharging that, should make it easier to keep our thinking up-to-date.

Writing

Once you mastered reading, you can add learning to write. Through writing, you can teach many people very fast (once they learned reading). And let them profit from the writing styles you read and from your unique thoughts and insights. It’s the best.

Learning to write is even easier than learning to read. Three steps:

1. Write anything you think. Brainstorm. There is no thought unworthy of being jotted down. (“I don’t know what to write” – write that down!) Try not to correct or perfect anything. Later. Writing is like talking: once words are out, some next words got ready to emerge. Don’t frustrate your train of thought with being critical.

2. Review what you wrote and be merciless on the quality. You may expand on it (going back to 1!) and remove and change anything. (Any part you like very much but doesn’t work in this text, instead of throwing it out, save it in a special file.) Use spell and grammar checkers. Once you are finished reviewing, you start from the top. Clarify and simplify, anything hard for a reader to understand. Review and review until (and beyond) you hate reading it again. Until you find nothing anymore to improve. (If you’re a recovering perfectionist, you may stop just before it becomes perfect.)

(If the text is very important and you have time, ask friends and family to proofread for you. Some of their criticisms may “prove” that they didn’t read well what is written but that also means the text could be improved there. (Don ‘t discard their help.) If you have the money for it, hire a professional editor, at least for part of the text. Learn from those corrections how you can improve your writing and may stay outside of some of your bad habits and chronics.)

3. Keep reading to give you more ideas about how to write better. But writing is like discharging. The more you’ve done it already, the easier the next time is. So, keep writing.

How to Fall Asleep

This information you can use for yourself or teaching others, including young people.

There are two ways to eat to satisfaction. One: to stuff yourself and the other: to chew well good food. And there are also two ways to go to sleep. One: to collapse from exhaustion, the other: to choose to doze off. If you always conk off from overtiredness, you don’t need instructions on how to fall asleep – for now. Because, once you learn how to sleep enough, you may want them too.

Look at babies, how they do it. They look around to see enough reassuring surroundings, yawn and are “gone.”

Going to sleep is a talent that you can relearn.

Sleep time is the time to refresh your mind – and body. (On how sleep rejuvenates the body, little is known except for that it definitely does so.) We try to get as little new sensory information as possible, in order to evaluate and process what we have learned up to now. We seek darkness, silence or only repetitive sounds, soft sheets, and no draft or a steady one (when it’s too hot. Drink water before you go to bed, to not dehydrate). This way, we may concentrate on what was. So the first thing you can do is find such a spot to sleep.

The core of going to sleep is to stop doing things, including in your mind. That means, don’t try to relax – that is still trying. Just call it the quits. Tomorrow is another day. I had a great day. I have a very interesting and worthwhile life. (A great time to repeat your directions against chronic distress. If you want nice dreams, contemplate nice thoughts before sleeping. Living with attention away from distress is not only for your wake time!) Don’t lie on your back – it seems to be waiting to fall asleep. Don’t wait also. Quit it all. You can reassure yourself if it doesn’t look like work. Then you should start yawning and next thing you know is waking up. Yawning is the foreplay of sleeping, so don’t stop your yawns.

If you’re stressed-out, Harvey recommended reading something complicated that is not stressful. I found comics helpful. Not the news.

But, I found another trick against racing thoughts. Part of the pattern of an unquiet brain is breathing quite heavily (and being unaware of it). It doesn’t matter what part of the recording you break. So, if you start breathing slowww-ly (breathing is easier to command than thoughts), your racing thoughts will slow-down and disappear too. (You may have thoughts so valuable that you don’t want to lose them. Don’t mill around about them. Write them down or tell them to someone else briefly.)

When I worked night shifts, I would sleep in the daytime and at night, friends and counselors would call me when they couldn’t fall asleep. I found that a major problem in sleeping for many people is loneliness. As soon as they heard my voice, they already had a hard time saying “I can’t sleep” from the big yawns that started.

If you are privileged to sleep not-alone, try to have such a good relationship that you don’t need to disconnect (mentally, physically) in order to fall asleep. The closer you sleep, the more often you may wake up but also the deeper you can rest. I found it worth it. (It is always a good idea to set your whole life up as much as possible as a reminder of the Benign Reality, against the chronics.)

I found that what counts is the total number of hours of sleep. If your work and responsibilities don’t let you sleep in one block, sleep in installments. Catnaps can really help too. And it’s not true what people say that you can’t catch up on sleep. (Though, very old tiredness and lacking sleep in the further past, may only heal through discharge.)

If you are anxious about wasting precious time on yawning and sleeping, remind yourself that they are so beneficial that you will definitely live longer from them and so it’s a great investment with a great return.

Being well-rested gives enormous benefits. It makes it easier not to “get” angry, to concentrate, to be aware of several things at the same time, to heal from illness, to have your body work well, to stay jolly, not to drop things, etc. (Older people often are more tired, slower and weaker, but I believe, not because their bodies are “old” but because they didn’t sleep enough because old patterns interfering more than ever.) Try it.

How to Communicate at the Same Time that the Situation is Dire and that All is Well?

Harvey suggested after asking the above question: At least when we suggest that all is well, the patterns will object that the situation is dire. Something like that. Have we come any further than that? Maybe.

Listen to Al Gore communicating about all our lives hanging in the balance. His message, information and reasoning have all the alarming information while his tone is absolutely light, calm and confident.

No doubt, that’s the reason that his YouTube clips drown in a rising sea of fake news’ videos denying climate change. He’s a very effective communicator that the big polluters don’t want you to see or believe.

US actor/film star-turned-president Ronald Reagan used the same airy composed sonorous sure tone.

They didn’t take out a copyright on this. Let’s practice it in our sessions and use it. It’s like rehearsing a good joke. Once we told it enough times, we stop laughing about it and are better able to make others laugh with it.

Let’s train ourselves saying the most alarming (and true, and therefore most alarming) things good-humoredly calmly and confidently. If people can do this without RC, we certainly can reach this while discharging.

(It’s scary that one’s power increases with one’s improved tone. That should “obligate” us to also work on our integrity and on being an ally with all oppressed groups (and all people) – not to abuse this “authority.”)

(But those who learned, as (children of) agents of oppression, to fake confidence, a reassuring tone while they’re either numb or terrified really, they should do sessions on being real.)

We can walk and talk to groups as if we are the emperor while we talk with any individual as their best friend. If have seen someone do so.

It’s not true that we get more followers or students when we sound sweet and vulnerable all the time. Now – that’s for most of us something scary to internalize.

Attention Out – Do You Feel at Least as Good as Before You Took Time?

In the beginning, we had no idea about what we grew to call Attention Out. That discharging (and reevaluation) old distress worked better the more the client had her attention away from distress. Clients too sunk simply cannot cry. (Reversely, someone who really cries is not in such a bad state.)

Harvey had an early client who would cry easily but after some time couldn’t anymore. They were trying to figure out what was going on and got to the idea that a cup of coffee might help. There was a coffee shop across the street. They went down the elevator, crossed the street, up the elevator, had coffee, down the elevator, crossed the street, up the elevator, resumed the session and low and behold, he could discharge again. Until he couldn’t anymore, when they went for another coffee, with good “results.” For some time they thought it must be the coffee. It was rather the creation of free attention, reconnecting to the Here and Now.

Hence, we traditionally started sessions with “New and Good” to make sure we’re not too sunk. And we ended with a couple of “Attention Out Questions” to make sure that you don’t fall in an open manhole after your session because you’re still brewing about an old painful memory.

Most old-timers in RC probably have a number of amusing stories about attention-out questions. My all-time favorite is that I asked my client what she was going to make for dinner. That sounded so good that after the session, I bought all the ingredients and made the same dish. Yummy.

I learned from a raised Working Class counselor that it is thoughtful to think about the people around you before you answer what is New and Good or What you are looking forward to. If everyone is poor, don’t say nonchalantly: I went shopping in … (a plane ride away) but everything was so expensive and ordinary.

Later, we started working more with Benign Reality Directions to contrast distress with good-natured reality. Like, confronting having been forgotten by “I’m now too big to be overlooked.” Since then, clients had an easier time having their attention out after the session because most sessions, we worked with our attention out. Still, after counseling on some heavy new stuff, it could be a bit harder to let it go for now and become light again.

But once, I was leading a weekly five-persons support group and one of us for months, not only had a hard time discharging but also needed more and more questions afterward to get his free attention back. We got really creative and good at composing questions. But it became so ridiculous that his “attention out” time got longer than his clienting time.

I had to think of something. I designed one question that in the end got most people’s attention out quickly. “Do you feel at least as good as before you took time.” (More than 99% would answer after a little thought “No, better.” (Never mind that the answer then should be “Yes, better even” – that I would let slide.) Comparing how one was feeling now with how one felt before, if needed, just pushed the attention out.

Quite often a client would add: I do feel … though but that’s OK because …. Examples: I’m hungry for I haven’t yet eaten; cold because I don’t have the heating on – I’ll get a sweater; tired but I didn’t sleep all night, etc. Having one’s attention out meant feeling what one should feel.

The 1% who would say no, I would ask: Is there maybe half a tear, shiver yawn or word that was on its way out when we stopped that you would like to get out still? More than 99% of them would do so and right away add: “Now … I’m out.” A typical session should lead to some discharge and freed-up attention. If it didn’t, maybe the counselor had said or done something hurtful. I such rare (1% of 1%) cases, it helped to ask “Is there anything you need to say about what happened in the session?” One sentence would then suffice. (Like: “Don’t call my father stupid, OK?”)

A typical session should lead to some discharge and freed-up attention. If it didn’t, maybe the counselor had said or done something hurtful. I such rare (1% of 1%) cases, it helped to ask “Is there anything you need to say about what happened in the session?” One sentence would then suffice. (Like: “Don’t call my father stupid, OK?”)

Nightmare Resolved

And now for something short, light and easy.

My son was five years old when one night he came down the stairs half crying. What happened? I had a horrible horrible horrible dream. And he tells me in one sentence what it was. (On our need to dream see here.)

I didn’t tell him how excited I was to hear that. I stayed calm – on the outside. Something truly horrible happened before he was born and I was always worried what such a memory buried deep in his brain could do to him. It was coming out to heal. We know, discharge is the way.

Furthermore, much to my relief, his unborn baby head had taken what had happened not as a motto for his life or as a fact of life but as something he should be defended against.

I’m afraid to go to sleep again. I never want to dream this again.

I told him: You probably won’t. But if you do, that only means that you need to talk about it some more. Talking about it makes it not return.

He went to sleep relieved and I never heard him about it again, the last 20 years.

Big Shout-Out to Diane Shisk

It is not true that all leaders have good sessions. Harvey for years, notoriously and to his chagrin had to mention that his clienting was not so successful. (Less experienced counselors too easily project what they need to discharge about unto their leaders. And then, they don’t think about what the leader needs.) Asking groups you lead to counsel you can help. It’s also a nice way to repay the leader for the effort. (HERE are some hopefully helpful hints how to counsel our leaders better.)

I also have seen leaders who are bad clients. Although every client always does the best s/he can, we can still as clients choose to try and help our counselor, not help our counselor or even trouble our counselor. Intimidating our counselors, criticizing them, telling them to shut up, are some of the ways even experienced clients may act. Which, of course, makes their sessions shallow and their progress slow.

I’m relating this to say: it’s not a given that an experienced RC leader has great sessions. Therefore, I want to applaud Diane for being our example of making sure she has effective sessions. How does that show? Well, one Present Times she writes that she is way too hopeless and anxious to lead environmental change and the next Present Time she pens what we need to know, what we need to counsel about and what we need to do to save the planet. In other words: she saw her challenge and took it.

(This validation is only for Diane, not an oblique criticism on other RCers.)

Not Really Caring About Others vs. Mostly Caring About Others

Who doesn’t want to receive? But who likes to give?

It is not true that only if you care about yourself you may give to others.

It is not true that if you don’t give to others you’re just overwhelmed.

These kinds of behavior are the result of dramatizing early frozen decisions and of later-years’ oppressive demands and conditioning.

In my experience, this doesn’t improve with superficial counseling.

Just giving your heart to your client even for dozens of years may not help them become more generous. We might need to ask them to give more, and then listen to their pain. I draw this conclusion because I saw that just loving such clients really well did not melt any of the selfishness. Or jealousy (the inability to be happy with someone else’s happiness.)

On the other hand, things also hardly improve by just listening for decades to rare people who care about everyone but find it almost impossible to make time for themselves, spend money on themselves. We may need to ask them to prioritize themselves over others more, and listen to their fears that are attached to the pattern.

Only when we really care about others and ourselves, we can think flexibly when to be generous and when to prioritize ourselves.

Ask someone who loves you and dares to be honest if you don’t care enough about others or don’t care enough about yourself.

Then begin immediately to challenge that pattern by going against it.

Continue until you are free.

Until then, your life is just a poor substitute for what it could be soon.

Defeating Perfectionism and Over-Responsibility Recordings

Perfectionism sounds so nice, besides so bookish, formal. If you wouldn’t know so much about it, you would assume that perfectionism must have a few problems but is basically a good thing. Who wouldn’t want to be close to perfect? Well, that is not what perfectionism is at all!

Perfectionism is a hyper-focus on some areas in life while neglecting other important parts. Like someone who would spend all his time buying and preparing food but would ignore cleaning the house, themselves, thinking about the money, friends, etc. Sounds like great meals but in a very messy setting. Or someone who would rebuild classical sports cars and ignore any other responsibilities in life. Her cars look amazing – I’m sure – but what about taking care of life?

But that’s not even all of the disaster. The recording is often so extreme that nothing is good enough. Writers not just polishing their texts but keep polishing the polish and never publishing anything because it’s still not good enough. Or fidgeting endlessly about details of details and so missing the deadline. So, also the areas of “expertise” get bad results.

It sometimes depends. You want your neurosurgeon to be extremely precise but only when it matters. But in general, perfectionism is a pattern that needs to be broken. It’s good enough. Let it go. It’s not that critical. There is no perfection. High time to be messy. Sloppy people get more done. What else is there to focus on? Please take over.

Another distress recording that gets much too good a press is chronic over-responsibility. It turns out that there are no chronic irresponsibility and responsibility recordings. Everyone takes responsibility. Let me explain.

People that are called chronically irresponsible take care of themselves first and for all. Society doesn’t value that, so calls them irresponsible. It is also annoying when someone will not move because they first feel like taking a session and then eating a meal and then having a shower…. As Harvey said: When it’s time to take out the garbage (who likes doing that?), take out the garbage. [Don’t first take a session about it. You’ll discharge while you do it – singing.] It’s good to take care of oneself – but in proportion – if you don’t want your surroundings to start closing in on you.

We should be completely selfish because then we would also take honor and pride in taking care of everything, including ourselves.

But to discharge a chronic irresponsibility recording is hard. I don’t feel like it. Why me? Maybe tomorrow. You need friends to get this done.

The opposite recording also exists. People who try to take care of everything and everyone, desperately dreaming of one day someone going to take care of them and to tell them that it’s enough. It’s very irresponsible not to eat, rest, sleep, exercise and discharge well enough but society encourages this kind of slavery to the needs of others.

As the old RC Scroll quotes the three rhetorical questions by Hillel: If I’m not for myself, who should be? If I’m only for myself, what is my life about? And if not now, when? The first step cannot be skipped.

This pattern is easier to get rid off since it’s so irresponsible to be over-responsible. Harvey allowed us to use patterns to get rid of patterns.

Integrity Campaign

It is extremely hard to tackle deep untruthfulness patterns. A little dishonesty often melts in front of a friendly face. Most people can’t help saying what bothers their conscience, discharge, and they’re on their way to freedom and honesty. But people who were not privileged to have anyone around them who was at all trustworthy from before the time they could talk, how to help them get rid of that isolation?

They know how to playact. They know how to hide. They see two kinds of people – those who also won’t show their weak spots and – as they see it – the idiots. They won’t tell anyone they regard as naive or weak. But at the same time, the courage of “weak people” fascinates but also abhors them. But confide in anyone – you must be kidding.

This is a real problem in the world so we must deal with it. More urgently even because we have also counseling leaders who have this chronic pattern. They deserve to be set free – although at first, they may not readily applaud such. But their lack of truthfulness hampers RC.

The best of RC may in fact contribute to the problem because we try to act as if we have no distress recordings in order to help us discharge them. That, of course, can be confused with pretense and secrecy. (Some people I met (farmers, Russians) will not pretend so easily. Every time they take a direction (smile while not feeling happy), they feel like cheaters.) Harvey called integrity the first (!) quality needed in a leader. But possibly, had a blind spot here. I’ve seen a bit too many leaders he appointed who were challenged in the candor area.

How to find out who are the people with such distress recordings of faking it all so that we could try to help them? One way is to look for people in the community with a golden integrity. They never get along with the fakes – and vice versa. Support the real and honest people to take leadership and notice who starts revolting – or flattering the powerful to have their recordings stay in power.

Another, more elegant solution would be if these people, so viciously treated when very young, would invite each other to climb out of this pit together. They recognize each other, so that would be easy. They were so brutally hurt by others that they decided then to rather kill than ever let anyone get emotionally close again. But they are still in their bunkers and someone needs to tell them that the war is over. What better way than to tell each other. They can come out, bask in the light and start recovery and enjoy being close to others finally, without any danger. They should be applauded for persistence and bravery. They may have to ask forgiveness from people they victimized as they were telling themselves that nice people around them just wanted to hurt them more. They could try to reach out to the honest people they pushed out of RC.

I have not much experience in counseling the chronically dishonest.  Best would be to give them an ultimatum: no more leadership until you come clean. They might still rather leave RC. Which is not what we want.

I remember one time in which I guessed to be meeting one abusive (they often also have abusive and power-holic patterns) counseling leader. Beforehand, I did long and deep sessions about how much I hated such patterns and how they had made me suffer so often. She did attend and I was going to try to counsel her.

I asked her with a beaming face for a mini. She agreed. You start, she said, much to my expectation. I counseled on something with a direction off of distress, something light, that made me cry and would confirm to her that I’m a meek lamb. Then it was her turn. I looked at her with all my love and she came with some fake sob story while avoiding eye contact. I made sure I did hardly anything – one doesn’t want to scare a control-freak. And then I said something like: Where do you find the strength? She cried so deeply and long. And I just sat there being pleased. At farewells, she mentioned to the group that I had worked miracles on her.

People with such pretender patterns often know how to cry on demand (and stop as if closing a faucet) but this was different. I had touched her very deeply.

Yet, as I expected, she did not call me to keep counseling her and set her free. Too bad! Although, maybe she was right. She was in no position to counsel me well – though she was a big leader and I was just an honest counselor.

As a community, we must become so truthful that these hidden people will escape their emotional prison by just looking at us. Ignoring this problem (because we were too naive to see it or felt too hopeless about it) has not made it go away. Let’s get to work!